Solarship Log: DSS GastronomyCrew Member: Commander Pollo
DooF Date: Yraurbef 9, 0102
Earth Date: February 9, 2010
I just surprised my crew with an order that I never thought I’d dare to give: “Commence cooking!”
Why would I authorize such a perilous pursuit? Let me explain…
For weeks, Y has been asserting that the only way to truly understand the gloop-like substance that humans call food is to undertake the dangerous task of actually eating our noodles. It was my belief that if we were unsuccessful in this eating endeavor, the consequences could be disastrous. For this reason, I’ve been adamant about keeping the prized noodles safely stored in our astroparticle-analysis tank.
Then, last night, everything was changed by the oddest dream I’ve ever had. Like all DooFian dreams, it unraveled from finish to start. First (which was really last), I found myself seated before the wooden platform humans call a “table.” In front of me was a circular piece of porcelain that I’ve seen described in human culinary lore as a “plate.”
It was obvious from the glossy sheen of the plate that I had happily licked it clean, no doubt as part of the bizarre Earth process of eating. How embarrassing! On Planet DooF, the fuel-intake process of poolging is much more efficient: we quickly and neatly inhale gloop through the lower facial opening that humans refer to as a mouth. It requires a single nanosecond — and there’s certainly no licking involved!
And yet, in my dream, I knew that the smile on my face and the extraordinarily satisfied feeling deep within me had come from the ingestion of slurpable strands unlike any gloop I’ve ever poolged.
When I awakened, my cabin was filled with a rich, savory aroma that made my mouth water and my heart sing. I had no idea where this strange and wonderful smell was coming from — but I knew what I had to do.
As though under orders from the highest DooFian commander (my wife), I jumped out of bed, rushed to the astroparticle-analysis tank and liberated the noodles. I ran over to Y’s cabin, where I found her awake and grinning a galaxy-wide grin bright enough to light up a thousand solar systems.
“Guess what, Dad,” she exclaimed. “It’s time to eat!”