Solarship Log: DSS Gastronomy
Crew Member: Y
DooF Date: Enuj 32, 0102
Earth Date: June 23, 2010
It’s kind of tricky to pilot a solar scooter and transmit notes to the DSS Gastronomy’s log at the same time, but I’m going to try my hardest to write about the crazy things that have been happening lately.
Well, I guess I should be careful about using the word “lately.”
Thanks to Lt. Trippe, time has totally stopped! I told him ONLY to press that button in case of a mega-emergency — and wanting to prove he can travel backwards in time faster than I can move forward in space definitely does not count as any kind of emergency, much less a mega one.
Anyway, his time warp tangled him up with Cookbot, who’s on a blown-circuit quest to turn our half-cooked noodles into salmagundi for hungry pirates — and now they’re both stuck in what humans refer to as the 17th century. Since time is frozen way in the past, none of Trippe’s equipment (which is all from the future) will work.
From the megamacroscope screen on my scooter dashboard, it looks like they’re hiding in a sea cave on the shore of a tiny island in the waters humans refer to as the Caribbean. The good news is that they’re together. The bad news is that Cookbot and Trippe REALLY do not get along.
Even worse news? There’s a ship with a skull-and-crossbones flag anchored just outside the cave. And the Earth pirates on the ship’s deck look they’re in a really bad mood.
Of course, any kid who’s ever dealt with adults knows all about bad moods — so I have a plan!
My database tells me the way to a human’s heart is through their stomach, which seems like very peculiar anatomy. That’s okay, though: these pirates look like very peculiar humans.
I’ve also learned that salmagundi is a something called a “stew,” which seems to mean a whole bunch of different Earth foods all cooked in a pot together. And pirates supposedly love it!
I even found some recipes in cyberspace. If you want to see them, click here.
Anyway, my plan is to make a giant pot of salmagundi and feed it to the pirates. Then while they’re eating, I’m going to sneak down and rescue Cookbot. I wish I could leave Lt. Trippe with the pirates, but I guess I’ll have to be nice and rescue him too.
So my only question now is: how do you make salmagundi without a kitchen? Or food??