BITE (The Bureau for Intelligent Transgalactic Eating) is a little-known sub-branch of NASA. Tasked with the mission to ensure that beings in the universe eat healthy, we blasted a million packets of food into the cosmos, but didn’t really expect a response. It was with some surprise then that aliens from Planet DooF appeared in our orbit, wanting to know more about this “food” thing. NASA mistook them at first for a rival space crew’s Halloween celebration then quickly called BITE. We came up with the brilliant plan to teach them about food by having them observe the explorations of a group of kids. Doofians understand that children are a higher form of being. If only they got that on Earth! We’ve intercepted these passages from their solarship’s log as they attempt in their way to make “head or tail” of cabbages and other food items that appear on their radar.

Solarship Log: DSS Gastronomy…