It’s kind of tricky to pilot a solar scooter and transmit notes to the DSS Gastronomy’s log at the same time, but I’m going to try my hardest to write about the crazy things that have been happening lately.

Well, I guess I should be careful about using the word “lately.”

Thanks to Lt. Trippe, time has totally stopped! I told him ONLY to press that button in case of a mega-emergency — and wanting to prove he can travel backwards in time faster than I can move forward in space definitely does not count as any kind of emergency, much less a mega one.

Anyway, his time warp tangled him up with Cookbot, who’s on a blown-circuit quest to turn our half-cooked noodles into salmagundi for hungry pirates — and now they’re both stuck in what humans refer to as the 17th century. Since time is frozen way in the past, none of Trippe’s equipment (which is all from the future) will work.

From the megamacroscope screen on my scooter dashboard, it looks like they’re hiding in a sea cave on the shore of a tiny island in the waters humans refer to as the Caribbean. The good news is that they’re together. The bad news is that Cookbot and Trippe REALLY do not get along.

Even worse news? There’s a ship with a skull-and-crossbones flag anchored just outside the cave. And the Earth pirates on the ship’s deck look they’re in a really bad mood.

Of course, any kid who’s ever dealt with adults knows all about bad moods — so I have a plan!

My database tells me the way to a human’s heart is through their stomach, which seems like very peculiar anatomy. That’s okay, though: these pirates look like very peculiar humans.

I’ve also learned that salmagundi is a something called a “stew,” which seems to mean a whole bunch of different Earth foods all cooked in a pot together. And pirates supposedly love it!

I even found some recipes in cyberspace. If you want to see them, click here.

Anyway, my plan is to make a giant pot of salmagundi and feed it to the pirates. Then while they’re eating, I’m going to sneak down and rescue Cookbot. I wish I could leave Lt. Trippe with the pirates, but I guess I’ll have to be nice and rescue him too.

So my only question now is: how do you make salmagundi without a kitchen? Or food??

Did you know you could eat a flower? Well, I didn’t. But guess what: you can!

There are some kinds of flowers that you can eat — and some you can’t. If you’re not sure, ask a grown-up which ones are okay. That’s what I did.

In fact, I ate a flower today! It was a zucchini blossom.

Where does it actually come from? In the beginning, it grows in the ground. Then when it’s ready, the farmer picks it and brings to the farmer’s market. That’s where we got ours.

When I first saw the flowers, I thought they would be gross to eat. It turns out I was kind of right.

We cooked the flowers and baby zucchini with some olive oil and lemon. I liked the baby zucchini, but I didn’t like the flowers. They tasted like something, but they did not taste like ANYTHING I’ve ever had.

In a couple weeks, I’m going to try a different kind of flower. I’ll let you know how that goes.

Do you think it’s cool that you can eat a flower?

I do!

We love dough and flower! (Okay, we know it is really spelled flour, but it is so amazing that we had to call it flower in the title.)

We do not know why we love flour so much, but it is a lot of fun to play with. We want to make a house out of dough and have all the rooms filled with flour.

Did you know that there are things inside flour called glutens?

Well, when you make dough for tortillas or pizza crust, you want to work the dough a lot so the glutens will wake up. This will make the dough all stretchy and chewy. That is perfect for tortillas!

But if you are making cookies from scratch, you want to mix the dough slowly after you have added the flour. That is because if you wake up the glutens, your cookies will be chewy and stretchy. Yuck!

There is this thing called yeast that you put in bread. It makes the bread rise by eating stuff in the flour and then burping to make air bubbles for fluffy bread. But it takes a very long time.

If you have never turned flour into dough, get your measuring cups and add water. Dough will stick to your hands until you wake up the glutens!

If you like flour and dough as much as us:

HAVE FUN AND GET MESSY!!!

Always remember to treat your dough and flour well (ha ha!).

We love the power of flour and dough!

Related posts:

1. Pizza Party – Courtesy of Our Resident Ex-Chez Panisse Chef Alan Tangren
2. Cobb Sandwich
3. Flour Power

Solarship Log:

Okay, I’ve got two major questions right now:

1. What the heck is salmagundi?
2. Where the heck am I?

It looks like I’m gonna have lots of time to think about this stuff since I’m stuck in a time warp that’s way gnarlier than any galactic traffic jam I’ve seen in any of my other way-cool space adventures.

Not sure how it happened. Maybe the lever on my time machine jammed when I tried to move it directly from “nanosecond” to “light year”?

Well, whatever went wrong, it’s not my fault. That pipsqueak know-it-all Y told me she’d programmed everything perfectly. Yeah, right. Maybe that’ll teach our fearless Commander P not to drag little girls on a journey that’s supposed to be for the big boys.

So anyway, I’m trying to catch Cookbot before he does something weirder than he has already. He stole Commander P’s precious noodles and now he’s supposedly headed towards something called the Caribbean to meet up with some pirate dudes. How crazy is that?

Of course, Y had to be her usual Look-at-Me-I’ll-Save-the-Day self and go chasing after Cookbot on that lame little solar scooter she’s always bragging about.

Well, I’ll tell you one thing: I can travel backwards in time a zillion times faster than she can travel forwards in space. And I’m going to prove it, too.

Hey, I just noticed there’s a button on my control panel marked “Push ONLY in case of emergency.”

If this isn’t an emergency, what is?

I’m pushing it right now…

My name is Lauren and I am 9 years old. I just went to DooF Camp and met many nice kids. At DooF Camp, we got to go out on the streets of San Francisco and interview different people. We kids asked many people to identify very weird looking vegetables. The interviews were so interesting that I wanted to interview more people about food.

At the airport the next day, before I got on an airplane to go home to Southern California, my aunt and I interviewed more people. We really wanted to concentrate on what people were saying so we recorded their answers and wrote them down later.

It was so much fun to talk with the people. I learned that everyone eats very different things in different ways. I learned that many people try to eat fruit with their breakfast or AS their breakfast and now I’m doing that, too.

I think my breakfasts are now healthier. Now on to the interviews….

NOTE: If you are a kid and want to interview people, always go with a grown-up!

People Interviewed At San Francisco Airport at 9:30 a.m. on Sunday, April 4th:

Liz, a grown-up from New Jersey

Q. When you travel, do you usually stop at airport restaurants for breakfast or bring your own food for breakfast?

A. I buy food at the airport.

Q. What did you have this morning — was it healthy?

A. I admit that I tend to be a little unhealthy when I travel, but I try to do my best to eat good food. Today I bought a croissant sandwich with scrambled egg, bacon and cheese (which I wouldn’t normally eat at home) and a banana. I’m pregnant, so I’m letting myself eat more than usual.

Q. Is that different from what you’d eat for breakfast at home?

A. I find it much easier to eat healthy food when I’m at home. A typical breakfast would be fruit and cereal — usually something like Total Raisin Bran.

Cynthia, a grown-up from Yorkshire, England

Q. When you travel, do you usually stop at airport restaurants for breakfast or bring your own food for breakfast?

A. We always eat at the airport restaurants.

Q. What did you have this morning — was it healthy?

A. Fresh fruit salad and a muffin. And yes, I’d consider that healthy.

Q. Is that different from what you’d eat for breakfast at home?

A. No, it’s similar. At home, though, I’d probably have just a piece of fruit and some toast.

Graham, a grown-up from Yorkshire, England

Q. When you travel, do you usually stop at airport restaurants for breakfast or bring your own food for breakfast?

A. We’re coming from a long way so we like to try new restaurants, especially in America.

Q. What did you have this morning — was it healthy?

A. Lots of bacon and fried eggs. That’s my idea of a healthy breakfast!

Q. Is that different from what you’d eat for breakfast at home?

A. No, not really. At home, I might have a bacon sandwich.

Q. Do you think English people eat differently than Americans?

A. One thing I’ve noticed is that Americans like to mix savory and sweet flavors, such as maple syrup with bacon and eggs or eating toast with sweet jam. In England, we don’t mix savory and sweet. For example, if we had toast and marmalade for breakfast, we’d eat it after the bacon and eggs.

Jennifer, a grownup from California traveling with 3 kids

Q. When you travel, do you usually stop at airport restaurants for breakfast or bring your own food for breakfast?

A. It depends how early we leave. If we have enough time, we’ll try to eat a healthy breakfast before we go to the airport or we’ll pack our own favorite foods. But when you’re traveling you don’t always have access to healthy foods. So if we eat breakfast at the airport, we’ll have a special treat like pastries.

Q. Is that different from what you’d eat for breakfast at home?

A. We try to eat healthy foods at home. On a good day, breakfast would include some protein like eggs or meat, plus fruit and toast. If we don’t have much time, we have something quick like cereal.

Q. What’s your kids’ favorite healthy breakfast?

A. Fresh strawberries and cottage cheese.

Q. Do you have any tips for parents traveling with kids?

A. Food at airports isn’t always very healthy, so I try to bring protein bars, fruit and little baggies of cereal. Also, don’t forget the sippy cups!

Elissa, a grown-up from New Jersey

Q. When you travel, do you usually stop at airport restaurants for breakfast or bring your own food for breakfast?

A. I like to eat a healthy diet, so I always pack foods to eat when I travel. Usually, I bring steel-cut oats, prunes, raisins and granola, then buy yogurt at the airport. If I have to eat breakfast at a restaurant, I order a bowl of oatmeal.

Q. What did you have this morning — was it healthy?

A. This morning I had eggs and oatmeal before I got to the airport. So I have lots of energy from a healthy balance of protein and carbs!

Our First Kid Blogger! It’s about time we got more of the kids’ perspective, right? We call ourselves the “food show for kids” but it’s the adults who’ve been calling the shots. Oh well, we’re having too much fun to give that up completely, but I don’t think we can ever call ourselves a success until the kids truly own… it.

Turns out our little Doofers have better interview questions than we adults do, and come to think of it, they’re as good behind the camera as they are in front of it. Food show for kids, yes. And now BY them too!

The long absence of entries in this solarship log can best be explained in technical DooFian language: Cookbot has gone bonkers!

His mysterious mutiny began when Y attempted to reprogram his circuits after a mishap in our astroparticle analysis chamber, which my daughter had recently converted to the official ship’s galley. Apparently, Cookbot was assisting Y in cooking up a surprise for me — and they definitely succeeded!

It seems that, in the process of agitating H20 molecules to render our noodles suitable for consumption, Cookbot’s database overheated. And so did his imagination!

Convinced that he must pillage the pasta for the perusal of fellow pirates on the seven seas of Planet Earth, he managed to abscond with the packet and escape into outer space using our high-powered exploration module as a getaway vehicle.

Y alerted me to the crisis as soon as it occurred, requesting permission to go after him on her solar scooter. What choice did I have? As commander of this ship, I couldn’t go off and leave it to command itself. Or worse: under the command of Lt. Trippe.

According to our cockpit’s control panel, Y is making excellent progress in catching up with Cookbot, who appears to be heading towards a small land mass in the body of water humans refer to as the Caribbean, reputed to be the site of many a shipwreck.

Y’s last message to me indicated that she believes Cookbot is under the impression that noodles are a key ingredient in salmagundi — a legendary favorite food among Earth pirates.

Of course, Lt. Trippe assured me that there is no historical evidence for the presence of pasta in salmagundi or any other preferred pirate fare. He became so irate over this that I was worried he’d suffer the same fate as Cookbot.

To get the temper-tantrumming Trippe out of my hair and off my nerves, I issued the order for him to travel back in time to discover what pirates actually ate — and I haven’t heard from him since. I can only hope that he knows what he’s doing.

As I write, I am the only voyager aboard the DSS Gastronomy.

Does this mean our culinary mission is coming to a disastrous end — or is our fun with food only just beginning?

Learn more about the DooFians and Planet DooF!

Solarship Log:

Wow, cooking is way easier than I thought it would be! A lot more fun, too. In fact, if it weren’t for Lt. Trippe banging on the door of the new solarship galley, everything would be perfect.

Sometimes I just do not understand that guy. For instance, right now I can hear him yelling something about 4000 year old noodles and how he knows more about them than anyone on the entire Planet DooF (including his dad).

Well, that’s great. I mean, I like history too. But: HELLO — we’re COOKING here!

I figured I’d probably need some help with my galley work and since I want this to be a surprise for my dad, I brought Cookbot in here with me. Just to make sure everything’s perfect, I located some Earth cookbooks in the cyberspace galaxy humans call the Internet — and I programmed them into Cookbot’s databanks.

This turned out to be a really good idea because when I tried to read the directions on the noodle package, I realized I didn’t know how to “boil” something called “water.”

Of course, Cookbot knew that meant we should use our solarship’s energy to agitate the molecules in H20 until it reached the temperature humans know as 212 degrees Fahrenheit. He even used his “Joy of Cooking” research to tell me that a strict pasta-water ratio of 1 liter to each 100 grams is advisable in cases where the pasta is dry. Which, of course, our noodles are.

Hmmm: what else could they be? Wet? Well, I guess we’ll find out soon enough.

Normally, I think this would be simpler than ANYTHING we do on Planet Doof. However, the whole time we’re trying make sure we get this boiling thing right, Lieutenant Trippe’s out there yelling about how there’s no way cooking could be all that important.

He keeps going back to what he originally thought our mission was, shouting:

“Don’t you remember the only three super-ultra-mega-totally-top-secret questions that matter? One! What is a noodle? Two! Where does it come from? Three! What is the safest way to go about capturing one?”

Yikes: I can just see him counting on all three of his fingers (something he absolutely needs to do in order to accomplish even the simplest mathematical calculation). I bet his face is that hilarious greenish-orange color that it gets when he’s REALLY mad. Of course, that happens with all DooFians. But Lieutenant Trippe’s way more colorful than most…

Oh, please tell me this is not happening! Cookbot is so freaked out by all the yelling that I think he’s blown a circuit. He’s waving around his spoon like some kind of supercharged swashbuckler yelling: “Ahoy and alfredo! Shiver me timbers and flibber the fettucine! Make th’ know-it-all walk th’ gangplank!”

The bubbles are starting to erupt out of our pot and I have no idea what to do.

I’ve got to reprogram Cookbot right now!

Learn more about the DooFians and Planet DooF!

Solarship Log:

Hold on! Y’s locked herself in the astroparticle-analysis chamber and hung this big important-looking sign on the door that says “Solarship Galley: Do Not Disturb! Cooking in Progress!”

What does THAT mean? Well, obviously I know what a solarship is. I mean, I DID graduate from the DooFian Intergalactic Space Academy. But what the heck is a “galley”? And is “cooking” even legal in outer space?

How cool would that be, to see her getting hauled off by the astral police? Course it’d never happen, with all of Daddy and Mommy’s connections.

Anyway, I have way more important news! I just got back from my first super-extra-top-secret time travel expedition, which was even cooler than I thought it would be.

I’m not exactly sure where I went. Or when. I sort of forgot to bring the Spatio-Temporal Earth Navigator thing that Y designed for me — it probably wouldn’t have worked anyway. I figure I went back about 4,000 Earth years or something like that.

The place was Chi-something-or-other. Chicago? No, that’s not right. Chile? Nope. China? Yeah, that’s it!

It was totally wild! These humans were making these stringy things that I absolutely know were kind of like the picture on the package of noodles that Commander P’s been guarding all this time. I asked them what they were making the noodley strings from and they said it was millet, whatever that is. I was using Y’s AstroLingo Translator so I may have gotten it wrong.

The whole thing was so cool that I had to tell someone about it. Since I didn’t clear the mission with Commander P, I couldn’t admit that I left the solarship. And of course that little goody-goody Y would rat me out if I told her.

So you know what I did? I made a quick detour to Earth Year 2005 (not sure how I got there, but so what?). I found these archaeologist dudes and told them all about these really old noodles. They were so psyched they wrote this whole article thing.

Any human with half a cyber-clue can read it by going to this link.

So obviously, that totally beats this dumb “cooking” thing that Y’s doing!

Doesn’t it…?

Solarship Log:

I just surprised my crew with an order that I never thought I’d dare to give: “Commence cooking!”

Why would I authorize such a perilous pursuit? Let me explain…

For weeks, Y has been asserting that the only way to truly understand the gloop-like substance that humans call food is to undertake the dangerous task of actually eating our noodles. It was my belief that if we were unsuccessful in this eating endeavor, the consequences could be disastrous. For this reason, I’ve been adamant about keeping the prized noodles safely stored in our astroparticle-analysis tank.

Then, last night, everything was changed by the oddest dream I’ve ever had. Like all DooFian dreams, it unraveled from finish to start. First (which was really last), I found myself seated before the wooden platform humans call a “table.” In front of me was a circular piece of porcelain that I’ve seen described in human culinary lore as a “plate.”

It was obvious from the glossy sheen of the plate that I had happily licked it clean, no doubt as part of the bizarre Earth process of eating. How embarrassing! On Planet DooF, the fuel-intake process of poolging is much more efficient: we quickly and neatly inhale gloop through the lower facial opening that humans refer to as a mouth. It requires a single nanosecond — and there’s certainly no licking involved!

And yet, in my dream, I knew that the smile on my face and the extraordinarily satisfied feeling deep within me had come from the ingestion of slurpable strands unlike any gloop I’ve ever poolged.

When I awakened, my cabin was filled with a rich, savory aroma that made my mouth water and my heart sing. I had no idea where this strange and wonderful smell was coming from — but I knew what I had to do.

As though under orders from the highest DooFian commander (my wife), I jumped out of bed, rushed to the astroparticle-analysis tank and liberated the noodles. I ran over to Y’s cabin, where I found her awake and grinning a galaxy-wide grin bright enough to light up a thousand solar systems.

“Guess what, Dad,” she exclaimed. “It’s time to eat!”

To:

I’ve received your supersecret request to help you cook up a noodle-eating plan that Commander Pollo won’t be able to resist.

From reading your solarship log, it sounds like your dad was very intrigued by all the delicious baking aromas that drifted beyond the Earth’s atmosphere during the holiday season. The sweet smells of spices and chocolate actually made him want to eat cookies — and he doesn’t even know what cookies are!

If DooFians are similar to humans (which I believe they are), the sense of smell plays a huge role in the way things taste. I’ll explain more about that later — for now, it’s important to understand that on Earth, the aroma of people’s favorite foods is enough to make them really, really hungry.

If this approach worked for cookies, there’s no reason it can’t work for noodles.

So here’s what we’ll do: in our top-secret kitchen lab here at BITE, we’re going to cook up the world’s largest batch of spaghetti (a kind of noodle), then use our most powerful Olfactory AstroFans to propel the aromas through the stratosphere to the DSS Gastronomy.

Trust me, there are very few humans who can resist the savory aroma of a spaghetti dinner — and I’ll bet your dad won’t be able to either!